MINI-VAN MAMA

The 90’s will be remembered for a variety of events, promotions and inventions, some of which include:  Cloned Sheep, Bill Clinton, The Gulf War, Barney®, and · Madonna

However, the 90’s may be remembered most, as the era of the…………Mini-Van.  The Mini-Van was much, much more than just a vehicle; it was the most sought after automobile of choice for every modern, American mom.  The marketing campaign for the Mini-Van birthed an entirely new advertising iconic concept--the “family” vehicle.

How naïve we (moms) were in the 1990’s.  We believed that we were independent thinkers who could not be persuaded or affected by the advertising industry.  We assumed that our purchasing habits and decisions were solely our own.  Typically, sales pitches and TV ads were unchallenging, as we quickly acquired the talent of bargain shopping and developed the gift of haggling.

1997, I subconsciously succumbed to the hype of an advertisement and yes, I purchased a Mini-Van. I was totally unaware that the vehicle I was purchasing could actually change my life and the way my life was viewed by others.  Within a few short years, the metamorphosis had occurred.  I hardly recognized myself.  I had become the epitome of domesticity.

Unbeknownst to me, a person reeks of Mommy-hood behind the wheel of a Mini-Van.  A Mini-Van is a vehicle that is constantly traveling (running errands) without ever really identifying a true destination. Throughout history, since the invention of the automobile, there has never been a vehicle that has stereotyped its owner quite as effectively as the Mini-Van.

A Mini-Van Mama is usually a coupon clipping, PTA certified, T-Ball inclined, financially challenged, laundry sorting, meal preparing female.  A Mini-Van Mama proudly displays her accomplishments on the back window of her vehicle with stick figure decals that reveal every person in the household along with the family dog and cat.  Of course, honor student bumper stickers and marching band decals often complete the decorative motif.

It is important to note, however, that the resale value of a pre-owned Mini-Van is extremely low.  Primarily, because most Mini-Vans are driven until they drop.  In addition, I am certain that the smashed candy inside the armrests, mud stains and spilled cherry cola throughout the interior combined with the permanent indention of small footprints imbedded onto the back of the driver’s seat greatly attribute to this decrease in value. 

Although a Mini-Van can seat seven people comfortably, for some reason, one more seats are always needed.  A Mini-Van Mama inadvertently adds passengers, not through labor and delivery, but by pick up.  A Mini-Van Mama often finds herself moonlighting as a transportation liaison for other children as well.

A Mini-Van is a mobile packing company, ready to roll at a moment’s notice and can be identified easily by the array of objects contained in the back compartment.  Some of the more common necessities include: Baseball bats, bicycles, strollers, diaper bags, groceries, lawn chairs, stuffed animals, blankets, duffle bags containing snacks, books and baby wipes, umbrellas and so-on.

The most amazing transformation I witnessed was in the persona of a Mini-Van Mama, as it was very easy to spot a fellow co-hart, particularly within the confines of a department or discount store.  A Mini-Van Mama would have two or more children with her, wore sweat pants or possibly blue jeans, tennis shoes (no brand name), little or no makeup, a hurried look and keys in hand at the register.

Are you (or were you) a Mini-Van Mama?  The following list contains a few common and/or typical characteristics of a Mini-Van Mama:

1. Room mother at school

2. Disagreement arbitrator

3. Education assistant

4. Cook/crockpot guru

5. Housekeeper/laundry

6. Financial coordinator (pays bills, balances checkbook)

7. Utilizes call-waiting feature often

8. Coffee anytime during the day

9. Cookie/cereal crumbs on the floor that get caught between your toes when barefoot

10. Hamburger mixes

11. Deep fryers

12. Electric skillets

13. Microwaves

14. Uses paper plates and plastic dishes that burp

15. Embraces lay-a-way

16. Writes a list for everything

17. Forgets to look at the list

18. Christmas shops on Black Friday

19. Decorates the day after Thanksgiving

20. Plans to exercise after the first of the year (every year)

How many of the above characteristics did you identify with?

12-20- Congratulations you are a true Mini-Van Mama

10-12- Not bad, probably drive an SUV that looks like a Mini-Mini-Van

0-10 – That's o.k. - Sedan driver – no kids or hires a nanny

Although, the popularity of the Mini-Van, in many cases, has since been replaced by the SUV, the fact remains that the Mini-Van has/had one other not so obvious, unpublicized attraction.  To this day this continues to be a Mini-Vans greatest benefit. This benefit did not become evident to me until 2004, when my then, 16, year old explained that he would rather WALK to school than drive the family Mini-Van.

Now THAT’S what I call an advertising concept!