The 90’s will be remembered for a variety of events, promotions
and inventions, some of which include: Cloned Sheep, Bill Clinton, The Gulf War, Barney®, and · Madonna
However, the 90’s may be remembered most, as the era of
the…………Mini-Van. The Mini-Van was much,
much more than just a vehicle; it was the most sought after automobile of
choice for every modern, American mom. The
marketing campaign for the Mini-Van birthed an entirely new advertising iconic
concept--the “family” vehicle.
How naïve we (moms) were in the 1990’s. We believed that we were independent thinkers
who could not be persuaded or affected by the advertising industry. We assumed that our purchasing habits and decisions
were solely our own. Typically, sales
pitches and TV ads were unchallenging, as we quickly acquired the talent of
bargain shopping and developed the gift of haggling.
1997, I subconsciously succumbed to the hype of an advertisement
and yes, I purchased a Mini-Van. I was totally unaware that the vehicle I was
purchasing could actually change my life and the way my life was viewed by
others. Within a few short years, the
metamorphosis had occurred. I hardly
recognized myself. I had become the epitome
of domesticity.
Unbeknownst to me, a person reeks of Mommy-hood behind the wheel
of a Mini-Van. A Mini-Van is a vehicle
that is constantly traveling (running errands) without ever really identifying
a true destination. Throughout history, since the invention of the automobile,
there has never been a vehicle that has stereotyped its owner quite as
effectively as the Mini-Van.
A Mini-Van Mama is usually a coupon clipping, PTA certified,
T-Ball inclined, financially challenged, laundry sorting, meal preparing
female. A Mini-Van Mama proudly displays
her accomplishments on the back window of her vehicle with stick figure decals
that reveal every person in the household along with the family dog and cat. Of course, honor student bumper stickers and
marching band decals often complete the decorative motif.
It is important to note, however, that the resale value of a
pre-owned Mini-Van is extremely low.
Primarily, because most Mini-Vans are driven until they drop. In addition, I am certain that the smashed candy
inside the armrests, mud stains and spilled cherry cola throughout the interior
combined with the permanent indention of small footprints imbedded onto the
back of the driver’s seat greatly attribute to this decrease in value.
Although a Mini-Van can seat seven people comfortably, for some
reason, one more seats are always needed. A Mini-Van Mama inadvertently adds passengers,
not through labor and delivery, but by pick up. A Mini-Van Mama often finds herself
moonlighting as a transportation liaison for other children as well.
A Mini-Van is a mobile packing company, ready to roll at a
moment’s notice and can be identified easily by the array of objects contained
in the back compartment. Some of the
more common necessities include: Baseball bats, bicycles, strollers, diaper
bags, groceries, lawn chairs, stuffed animals, blankets, duffle bags containing
snacks, books and baby wipes, umbrellas and so-on.
The most amazing transformation I witnessed was in the persona
of a Mini-Van Mama, as it was very easy to spot a fellow co-hart, particularly
within the confines of a department or discount store. A Mini-Van Mama would have two or more
children with her, wore sweat pants or possibly blue jeans, tennis shoes (no
brand name), little or no makeup, a hurried look and keys in hand at the
register.
Are you (or were you) a Mini-Van Mama? The following list contains a few common
and/or typical characteristics of a Mini-Van Mama:
1. Room mother at school
2. Disagreement arbitrator
3. Education assistant
4. Cook/crockpot guru
5. Housekeeper/laundry
6. Financial coordinator (pays bills, balances checkbook)
7. Utilizes call-waiting feature often
8. Coffee anytime during the day
9. Cookie/cereal crumbs on the floor that get caught between
your toes when barefoot
10. Hamburger mixes
11. Deep fryers
12. Electric skillets
13. Microwaves
14. Uses paper plates and plastic dishes that burp
15. Embraces lay-a-way
16. Writes a list for everything
17. Forgets to look at the list
18. Christmas shops on Black Friday
19. Decorates the day after Thanksgiving
20. Plans to exercise after the first of the year (every year)
How many of the above characteristics did you identify with?
12-20- Congratulations you are a true Mini-Van Mama
10-12- Not bad, probably drive an SUV that looks like a
Mini-Mini-Van
0-10 – That's o.k. - Sedan driver – no kids or hires a nanny
Although, the popularity of the Mini-Van, in many cases, has
since been replaced by the SUV, the fact remains that the Mini-Van has/had one
other not so obvious, unpublicized attraction.
To this day this continues to be a Mini-Vans greatest benefit. This
benefit did not become evident to me until 2004, when my then, 16, year old
explained that he would rather WALK
to school than drive the family Mini-Van.
Now THAT’S what I call an
advertising concept!